Weh!

This has probably happened to you too.

You feel this warm glow of happiness and hope in your heart, like little fireflies or fairies suddenly invaded it. I don't know. Perhaps, it's that feeling that yes, you'll get into honour roll this semester. Perhaps, it's that feeling when the object of your dreams and affection smiles at you and tells you that you have the loveliest brown eyes they've seen. Perhaps, it's the feeling when you see you see that favourite celebrity, ask them for a photo, and they oblige. Whatever it is that makes your heart pop.

You are so ecstatic that you decide to share it. You come up to the first friend you see. There you are. You can't contain the joy anymore. You tell them all about the latest thing to make your heart explode in glee.

They stare at you with a raised eyebrow. And then, they drone it out.

"Weh!"

That flame of yours is extinguished with just one syllable.

Weh. A favourite Filipino slang expression of disbelief. It's kind of Filipino for "Yeah right!" or "Are you kidding me?" Something like that. Everyone loves it for its sheer ease of use. With just one syllable, you can already say that you think the other person is speaking utter balderdash. Cool, aye?

But that's kind of my point here. An entire world of doubt, skepticism, and even pessimism can so be easily expressed in one syllable. You can impress all that weight of disbelief just like that. Skepticism can so be easily shown.

And yeah, it shows that a lot of people have lost hope. Maybe it's bad experiences in life. Maybe it's seeing fellow members of humanity suffer. Maybe it's the decline of the environment and values. I don't know. But the point is that a lot have forgotten how to dream big because it's just so easy not to. The point is a lot have forgotten to aspire just because it's just so easy not to. The point is a lot have forgotten to believe in the possibility of whatever they put their minds to because it's just so easy not to.

And it's sad, really. Because, you see, it is from these "impossible" dreams that everything reamarkable in humanity starts. Think about it. Where did our most important inventions come from? Yup, from none other than the dreams of their inventors. When did the world's most remarkable performers get their start? Yup, from when they first imagined themselves on that stage. When did our world changers start impacting lives? Yup, from the first time they envisioned the changed humanity. All from dreams.

Now, you know why I remain an optimist despite it being so effortless to just give up and settle. If no one dares to even envision change (let alone work at it), who will?As long as dreamers imagine a better world, humanity will allow for progress. As this shirt I once saw at some mall says, it may be difficult, but it isn't impossible.

Now, how do we compress "All things are possible" in one syllable?! Haha!

Subjectiveness and Thought Vomit

This post will be drivel, really!

So yeah, people have been hounding me to post one of my poems here. After a year of requests, I sigh and say "Oh! Fine then!" Yup, I'm actually posting one of my poems here!

This poem is called Eyeliner Tears (and no, it's not emo!). I was inspired to write it one day as I was putting on eyeliner to go to this party I was attending. I, being little Ms. Everything-In-Life-Has-Deep-Symbolic-Meaning, kept meditating on how I was tearing up as I was putting on eyeliner. So I did what any crackers wannabe literateur would --- write a poem about it!

I entered it in this city-wide poetry competiton and it won 1st place (much to the surprise of its author who was, at the time, too busy thinking about how to burn a copy of Siam!).

Tell me what you think, okay?

Eyeliner Tears

Early in the morning

You prepare to face the world

Like the mall

Or school

Or the mall

You face the mirror,

Just a piece of glass

With a dark background

You’ve deified

Ooh! You need eye make-up

You reach for your eyeliner

Max Factor’s finest

And open your eyes

Forcibly

Like some deer caught in the

Stage lights

Now, you begin to line your eyes with a swipe

A million children’s stomachs growling for zilch

Swipe

Mosquito-infested mothers digging for lunch at Payatas

Swipe

Cuts on a little knee from scrap metal

Swipe

Oh look! You’re tearing up

Liquid fake crystal

Forming on the dusty window to your soul

Feel it form in the corner of your eye

Feel it drip like cloud-seed rain

Feel it streak your powdered, masked face

Oh wait! You can’t feel it

You’ve gone numb

But those tears fall and fall

Perfect! Just the way you wanted

What does it mean? Well, it's about....hang on! Why should I tell you? Yeah, sure. I am indeed the author. Yeah, sure. It was my rambles that composed this poem. Yeah, sure. I was the one who gave meaning to some random girl and Max Factor. But isn't art (literature included) subjective? Should a piece of literature really just be bound to what the author says it is? Isn't art designed to have multiple interpretations due to its affective, personal quality?

So should I still tell you what it means? Nah! You make your own meaning! Really, I'd be honoured if you do! In fact, why not include it in your comment (if you'd like to comment)?! I'd love to hear your interpretation of my structured thought vomit!

Hit that reply button! Contribute to the subjectivity of literature!

Scar

Scar - Missy Higgins


If you've read my previous post "No, Not World Peace", you may have noticed a bunch of people who commented to me to join a beauty pageant or something (Hi Miggs and Charlie! Haha!). Well guys, sorry to burst your little bubble but no, I can't. No, it's not because I'm too shy to join (Me? Shy? Is that word even in my vocabulary! Haha!). No, it's not because I don't meet minimum height requirements (Come on! The girl who towers over all of her colleagues...in flats!). Nope. It's something that probably won't sit well with Stella Marquez and the Binibining Pilipinas foundation nor the Miss Australia organisation.
What is it? Well, this:

I have a scar on my left leg. It's pretty big with its 3-4 inch diameter. I got it in Year 6 whilst crossing the street to buy something at the store. Some fast motorcycle driver didn't see me so...well, there! The colour has blended in a little to my complexion due to application of tons of cocoa butter and lanolin. But yeah, it's still undeniably there.


And you know what? I don't mind! I don't mind that there's a faint scarlet spot on my leg. I don't mind the little imperfection that flashes itself whenever I walk. I don't mind that my left leg is not anymore pristine. I don't mind that I can never fully fulfill any (super slight) Marilyn Monroe fantasies (Marilyn Monroe and I should never be in the same sentence!). I don't mind so much that I dare outfit myself in knee-length skirts

Yes, that's right. I dare not cover up my scar. I dare showing to the world that little blemish of rose. I dare not hiding the fact that my legs aren't perfect at all. Yes, despite Miss Universe telling me to do otherwise. Yes, despite magazines saying I should just wear pants. Even yes, despite my Mum itching to get my scar lasered off.

What was that? You're calling me brave, even crazy, for showing my blemished, not-so pristine, imperfect leg? Maybe I am.

Wait a second? Aren't all legs imperfect to begin with? If you think about it, no one really has perfect legs. In some way, all legs --- from Jill Whoever's to Miss Australia's --- are blemished. Whether a little mosquito bite or a little patch of hair or tiny little spider veins, we all have imperfect legs. And that's okay because it shows a facet of our humanity --- imperfection. Yeah, it reminds me of the time I crossed the road so la-di-dah but at least now I know to always look out for cars and motorbikes. And it's a lesson I really know by heart.

The same goes for life, really. We have been conditioned to not make mistakes. And when we do, we should hide them. It's not really pretty, they say. You should just bury them in a puddle of denial.

But guess what? I can't really live that way (Yes, Unwritten by Natasha Beddingfield!). Nobody can. It's just human to err. And there's nothing to be ashamed of in that. It is usually through mistakes that we learn and become the remarkable people that we are called to be.

So go on! Wear that Blair Waldorf skirt! You know you want to!

No, Not World Peace!

First of all, I'd like to apologise in advance for the drivel you are about to read!

This is another little thing about me I am going to reveal. It's another little (rather embarrassing)smidgen of my life about to be shown to the world. Funnily enough, I've never tried to hide it. When someone asks me all about it, I have no shame in telling it like it is. In fact, my little 7-year old girl dream was tainted by this odd (and according to some feminist friends, filthy) habit of mine.

Want to know what it is? Okay! Ready, 1, 2, 3...

I love watching beauty pageants (And by the way, that dream of my 7 year-old self was to be Miss Universe! Oh yeah!)

Seriously! I don't know. There's something about the swirl of glittering gowns that catches my attention. There's something about the parade of smiles and quarter turns that amuses me. There's something about the dramatic crying of the winner after she gets crowned that somewhat touches me. Yeah yeah. Another one of my weird little quirks! Haha!

One of my favourite portions of these programmes would be the question and answer round. It is really where the contestants show that they are not just pretty packages wrapped in satin and glitter. They have lovely minds too. It really is the round where the contestants reveal fully their beauty. Well, that is if the candidates answer the questions well!

You have no idea just how many times I have been disapointed, even frustrated with some of the answers some contestants give. I mean there I am, very much impressed with Ms. Whatever and how she exudes confidence. I'm watching her glide, even float across the stage in her elegant, glittering gown. I almost admire her. And then, it happens. The judges ask her a question. She opens her mouth and only this comes out...

"Uhm...."

Admiration over.

It makes me think to myself, "Gosh! I could have answered that. At least words will come out of my mouth!" (Haha! Arrogant much?!). I don't know why but I've started to develop this weird thing of trying to answer the questions from pageants. I guess it's because of my crazy thing for philosophy and stuff.

So yeah, I'm using this entry to give my answers to some of the beauty queen questions I remember since the closest thing I'll probably get to sashaying around the Miss Universe stage! (I told you this was drivel!). No gowns. No bell after 30 seconds. Just me being a crazy pageant fan! Haha!

Real pageant questions will be indicated with the candidate they were addressed to.

1. What is the essence of being a woman (posed to Miss Universe India '94 Sushmita Sen)

To me the essence of being a woman is being who she is.

She is, firstly, a person. A person with dreams and the talent and ability to achieve them. A person who can do anything she wants to... even change the world. A person who can leave a lasting mark in people's hearts.

But at the same time, she is also a woman. Different from man. An individual. Someone who may react very differently to that of a man. But that is okay. Because it is difference that makes the world more colourful, and therefore, more beautiful.


2. If you were given a chance to be able to have superpowers, what would they be and why? (posed to Ms. Universe Korea '07)

I believe that each one of us has superpowers already. We were all given talents and abilities to develop and utilise. In a way, these are our superpowers.

The true difference between a superhero and someone who isn't is not whether he is superhuman or not. A superhero uses those superpowers for the good of others, whether that superpower is flight, super strength, or being able to make people smile.

So in that case, I already have superpowers!

3. If you had a chance to be born in any time period, when would you like to be born (posed to Miss Australia Universe '04, Jennifer Hawkins)

I would honestly choose to be born when I really was. We were put here on this Earth by God for a reason, for a purpose. Naturally, there is also a reason why we were born now. Now is our time to make that difference. We were called to change the now. So I choose to fulfill that purpose. I choose now.

4. Because of globalisation, the line of nationality is being blurred. So to you, what does it mean to be Filipino?

I believe to be Filipino (or Australian. Or Thai. Or Norwegian. Or whatever) is to love the Philippines (or whatever country you claim nationality from). No matter where you were born or the colour of your skin, if you love the Philippines, you are Filipino.

If you love the Philippines, you would follow the road rules. If you love the Philippines, you would throw your garbage in the appropriate bin. If you love the Philippines, you would vote wisely and not give in to corruption. If you love the Philippines, you would do what you could to make it happy --- whether that's by not throwing your cigarette butt on the sidewalk or dying for the country.

In that sense, you become a real citizen of the country, knowing your rights AND doing your responsibilities.

So, I guess, in that sense, despite my mixed blood, I am Filipino.

There! That's my rather valiant attempt at being Miss Whatever! And nary an answer of "world peace"!

Now, I can get back to being normal Alexis. Wait? Does she exist? Haha!

PS: Don't hesitate to comment! Especially if you

1. Want to say something about my answers.
2. Want to answer the questions yourself
3. Have some more questions to ask me.

Now, I think I must go back to waving and crying now! Haha!

Purely Fabulous!

Want to meet someone fabulous? Okay!

Well, this woman is exceptionally lovely. Each time she smiles, her high, prominent cheekbones appear. There's also that lustrous dark hair that falls on her face. And if that's not enough, her innate elegance will grip you. She moves fluidly with grace whether singing on stage at church, attending social functions, or making her morning coffee. She's always timelessly classy whether in her wardrobe and well, life.

Not only that, she is exceptionally intelligent. Back in university, she always got into the honour roll. Her innate business skills made her an exceptional manager in various companies despite graduating with a nursing degree (Pretty far from business, yeah!).

Not only taht, she has a beautiful heart that always loves to give. Whether that's giving a friend a smile or giving to worthy ministries, she always finds ways to share her love to others. (I should know. I'm one of the people she gives her love to.)

She is purely fabulous. And I am proud to say that she is my mother!


Happy Mother's Day, you hot woman, you! I love you so much it can make me tear up sometimes. Like I am right now as I'm writing this for you! You are one of the most beautiful women in the universe to me! Again, I love you!